Believing God's Truth

I don’t know when this thinking started to infiltrate my mind. Probably part of the American Dream we’ve all had instilled in us growing up. But I always did well in school so I could go to a good college. I went to a good college and studied hard, so I could get a good job. I stayed pure, so I could find a good husband. I applied lessons I’ve been taught at church and youth group and read my Bible and prayed, so God would bless/honor me. Sure, I’m not perfect and I’ve sinned. But in the grand scheme of things, I’ve done everything right… yet life hasn’t really turned out how I thought it would. Here I am—30 years old, single, living with my parents, not doing the job I imagined. This is not the life I pictured as a kid/teen/college student.

She's Got Issues- Unforgiveness

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              March 15, 2015

Anger’s cousin: Unforgiveness

[watch video]

Unforgiveness in our spirit has the potential to do a lifetime of damage but also be the place where we experience the most freedom and greatest testimony of what God is about and what He can do in us.

Unforgiveness, sown by our wounds, sprouts up like an unwelcome guest and chokes our ability to love, to be compassionate, and to experience freedom. 213

If left unchecked, unforgiveness thrives like a fairy-tale bean stalk, exploding in strength, eventually reaching into every emotion, thought, and action. The longer it's allowed to grow, the more strength and work will be required to remove it. Everyone has to pull the weeds of unforgiveness, tending to the daily removal of resentment over slights intentions in order to be free to love. 213-214

The reasons we are called to forgive:

1) we forgive because it's God's way.

Scripture makes it quite clear that we are required to forgive. Although his commands as simple and bold, it isn't always easy. Examining our souls for the weeds of unforgiveness is a lifelong process. 215

2) forgiveness reflect God's character.

Nehemiah 9:17, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Psalm 130:4, Psalm 86:5

3) forgiveness is the turning point in the story of our eternal lives.

When people see us forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it, they can see Christ through us.

I love when science backs up God. The Mayo Clinic released an article citing the results of numerous studies that examine the effects of holding grudges. People who do so have higher heart rates, higher blood pressure, and more tendencies toward depression. God's command to forgive is backed up by God's design for our bodies and souls. Our Creator knew what he was doing when he spoke boldly in his Word about forgiveness! 216

4) forgiveness is a tool of the Gospel.

Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is a continual process. I don't know about you, but I need God to cleanse me of my own sin and shortcomings every day. We should be ready to forgive others just as frequently. 216

we distort God's character for her own purposes. I want God to be merciful toward my sins and just towards others.    217

Matthew 18: Peter asks about forgiveness and Jesus response includes a parable with the king and the two debtors.

The process of forgiveness begins with our own recognition of the unequal footing we have in the presence of God. This unequal standing exists before we even sin! And sin we do, every day, serving our own interests rather than others. We are in deep debt before God. 219

Blinded by his own perverse sense of justice, the forgiven servant give no mercy to his friend. The second servant in the story was also in debt. God doesn't deny the wrongs done to us, but he commands us to view them against the incalculable mercy he has given us in the most important relationship of our lives in all of eternity: our relationship with him. 219,221

He treated the king’s mercy with contempt. Because he demands justice, he received justice. 221

Forgiving others is not possible without deep gratitude for the ways we've been forgiven. 221

Unforgiveness is like weight gain. We pile on resentments and hurt, one on top of another. If we piled on 30 pounds over several years of over eating, most of us wouldn't pray and expect God to miraculously bring us back to normal weight after one jog around the neighborhood! We can pray, though, for the discipline and strength to persevere in making healthy choices. 222

 Read the prayer on p222-223

The gospel is not just words on paper or an intellectual exercise and belief. The gospel should be lived out in our lives. 223

But like healthy living, the doing is much harder than the believing. How do we move from forgiveness is a nice ideal to a daily practice? 223

1) confess your sins with no “buts”.

2) ask God to give you new eyes.

Don't evaluate through your own eyes those who have wronged you. Instead, ask God to give you spiritual eyes so that you can see past their wins and the way they have wanted you and see their brokenness. 224-225

(I cannot emphasize enough that to forgive doesn't mean to forget. You cannot erase the pains of your past because in doing so you would risky racing much of yourself. But you can believe that God can transform you and redeem even the most broken of lives. 225)

3) recognize that forgiveness is an act of will.

You must not wait until you feel like forgiving. Instead, see forgiveness as an act of obedience toward your father God, who so graciously has forgiven you. That may mean asking him to help us extend mercy. 225

When you release others from your grip, he released them into the hands of God. In a great paradox, God is both merciful and just. 225

"When we forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover the prisoner we set free is us." -Lewis b. Smedes

Forgiving ourselves

Sin is sin because it brings relational harm. Every act of disobedience against God's role is inherently an attack against God. 226

His design is an about enslaving us. It's about providing us freedom to love others without harm. Yet we all fail at it. We all have, we all do, we all will. 226-227

Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. There is nothing like the feeling of letting yourself down, of walking through temptation, sin, and consequence from beginning to end. And when you get to that place, even when you've pleaded with God, even when you've confessed your sins to others, you can still feel stuck in the mud of your mistake. 227

If you've ever thought you were too bad for God to forgive, if you've ever felt beyond his loving grass, if you've ever thought your story is too much for him, let me assure you, there is a person in scripture for you. I am overwhelmed that God, in his goodness, chooses to count among the heroes and heroines of faith many broken, wounded, and wound-inflicting people. These are the people he uses to bring his message of forgiveness, power, and love to our world. 227

Ps 51:12 Restore to me again ... and make me willing to obey you.

Ask God to do what you cannot do for yourself.

Forgiving God

We may believe in God, but we don't believe him. But our God is bigger than our hurt. 229

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!

She's Got Issues- Anger

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              March 1, 2015

Anger

These are not the things that get discussed at Mother's Day teas and women's retreat. Bitter, forceful anger? From nice Christian girls? Anger might turn women into wild things. Then again, anger causes some women to turn to all kinds of secretive behaviors to vent their true feelings. Anger has the power to change lives. Many of us know what it's like to be on the receiving end of rage in the form of emotional or physical abuse. Many of us also know what it is to speak and act from a place of anger ourselves. Yet anger can also change lives for the better – if it is harnessed and transforms into a power for good. (180)

I wonder if these women, like me, are recalling the last time they lost their temper. What they said and how they said it. What they squeezed, slapped, or threw in anger. I wonder if some of them are thinking about the space in their souls were unresolved anger lives, how they hide it and suppress it and try to ignore it, all the time wondering how and why they have such strong, seemingly irrational feelings, a force they can't quite reconcile with their concept of what it means to be a sweet Christian woman. (181)

There's another kind of woman altogether. She's the one who claims to never get angry. These women worry me even more. True, they aren't inflicting damage on anyone else with their words or actions. But studies consistently show that women who repress their anger tend to have that poison leak into many areas of physical and mental health. In fact, one definition of depression is "anger turned inward." The truth is that every woman I've ever met has some good reasons to be angry, as well as many completely irrational reasons to be angry. (181-182)

Anger is a God-created emotion! 14 times in the Old Testament, God himself is called angry. (182)

We should not fear the emotion itself, nor should we attempt to live a life devoid of anger. (182)

powerful forceful anger has two benefits:

1- it can serve as a warning light when something is wrong. It is a signal that all is not well and something is going on in our hearts that needs to be examined. 2- anger can be the power that activates us to work for good. Anger's force can provide get–up–and–go we need to stop being apathetic and instead fully engage with life. (182)

[take quiz]

Anger is expressed in three distinct ways, the first two, rage and resentment, are destructive ways to deal with anger. The third, indignation, is a constructive loving expression. (184-185)

If you answered mostly true to statements 1, 5, or 6, you have used rage as an outlet for anger. (185)

Lashing out is a great way to release that powerful emotion – because it works! Like the calm that follows a severe storm, our bodies often return to a peaceful state after we arrived. But, oh, the destruction are rage leaves behind! Not only can we create permanent damage to the object of our anger – whether through violent actions or words – but we also create permanent damage in our own hearts. That's because anger often leads to another powerful emotion – shame. (186)

If you answered mostly true to statements 2,3,7,8,11, you may vent your anger through resentment.

Ball in pool- rage punts ball, resentment tries to hide it under the surface.

It keeps popping back up as sarcasm, grudges, unresolved conflict – so it demands continuous emotional energy causing us to miss out on enjoying life.

Or we choose a passive–aggressive response by not responding as a method of making our point.

Resentment is closely related to the issue of control and often causes us to act out in manipulative ways. Because we haven't learned to deal directly with our anger, this monster begins to control us. (188)

If you answer mostly true two statements 4, 9, 10, you've experienced the power of anger used for good.

Every time Scripture describes Jesus as being angry, it was for a real evil that kept people from experiencing God's kingdom. (189)

Richard P Walters notes "among Christians there is a fear of rage, a surplus of resentment, and a shortage of indignation." (190)

[watch video]

Jerry bridges says: "we need to realize that no one else causes us to be angry." (196)

The way I respond to things is my choice. Including the choice to respond in anger.

Matt 5:3- "blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." commentators point out that the Greek rendering for affairs implies exclusivity meaning "blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs and only theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

When we recognize our own deficits and inability to control our issues, we are able to embrace the true reality of God's grace.

What does it mean to be poor in spirit? It means coming to the end of yourself and realizing that you are lacking – lacking love, lacking patience, lacking the energy to act like you've got it all together. It means recognizing the ugly side of yourself (anger will do that for you). It's here – and only here – that you can experience the true power of Jesus is transforming power in your life. It's here – and only here – that you can embrace the strength of the spirit moving and working within you. (197)

We can try to prevent anger or employed techniques to diffuse anger but the most important thing we can do one anger rises is to ask God to stand there with us. We can actually invite him into that ugliness. (197)

God will provide away out for my anger that doesn't involve screaming or sarcasm. God can replace my anger with love. (198)

When God gets involved in the solution, he always, always, always softens our hearts with love. (198)

But the "poor in spirit" verse isn't a free pass to stop trying or to wash our hands of all responsibility. Rather Scripture tells us that "since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit" (Galatians 5:25). Jesus says the person who "listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock " (Matthew 7:24).

Often you want to justify our bad behavior with the litany of reasons why we lost it. We were tired. We were stressed out. We had a headache. We hadn't yet reconciled after our last argument. We are preoccupied with other emotional stress. In fact, it can be helpful to step back and list what mental, physical, or emotional conditions are likely to predispose us to losing it. (199)

We need to recognize the healthy outlets we have to release our tension and anger, and then we must get honest with ourselves before God about the reasons for our anger. (201)

There are preventative measures we can take to help control our anger – getting enough sleep, eating better, being aware of the time of the month, etc. run, read, rest..

But, reality is that nothing – not rest, not reading, not a girls night out, not anything – can bring peace to my soul like Jesus’ words. (204)

Words are powerful. We can all probably think of hurtful words someone had said to us...

We must take her word seriously. Once they are sent out, they cannot be taken back. (205)

-our talk shouldn't be unwholesome.

-our words should be used to build others up.

-our words should be used according to the receiver's needs.

-we pay attention to our words because they are a thermometer to our hearts. Jesus said “whatever is in your heart determines what you say” (Matthew 12:34). When our hearts are right with God, we naturally reflect that in the way we speak. And when things aren't so good? The words that spill forth from this place are often the first sign of a true heart sickness.

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!

She's Got Issues- Fear

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              February 15, 2015

Fear

Fear = a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid

Example of dog getting zapped: Fear in our lives has the potential to make us lie down paralyzed into rigidity, living a life that seeks comfort over risk and security overgrowth. (145)

Most of us have met a painful enough experience somewhere along the way that we know what fear feels like. But what we often struggle with is what we are to do with it. (145)

Many forms of anxiety are much more common in women than men. Anxiety is defined as an exaggerated sense of worry or fear, beyond what would be expected for the situation. If severe enough, anxiety causes a crippling inability to work, live, and relate to people in meaningful ways. The problem of anxiety is compounded because it is often a secret shame, one that most Christians feel they would not be dealing with if they were truly following Christ. (146)

[quiz]

Answering yes to any of the statements indicates you were dealing with anxiety. But if you answered yes to many of the questions, or recognized a behavioral pattern that is significant, growing, or has last several months, you may struggle with an anxiety disorder. (147)

Many people leave anxiety disorders untreated, assuming their lack of faith is the problem and that they need to keep quiet and get through it on the road. But the truth is, anxiety needs to be brought to the light before it can be addressed. Yes, God can help, and he will. But he's also the creator of medication, counseling, until the living – all of which she can use to help you improve your life. (148)

One of the best things you can do for yourself, for your family, and for the community you are in is to finish her anxiety head-on and deal with it. Doing so I can bring you great freedom. (148)

Low-lying anxiety can also be a symptom of great spiritual struggle with fear, miss trust or faith. (148)

Acting on anxiety looks like a brooding salt life, a worry some way of dealing with relationships, and a lack of phone or ability and openness with others. (148)

1) fear of suffering
-it is in our nature to avoid death and to try to keep ourselves from harm.(149)
-flying between commonsense an unreasonable here is the thing on. One person's full of shit this is another's phone for proof, look no further than bungee jumping. Activities that one person stays away from to spare herself pain may be embraced by another person who views that pain is tolerable discomfort for proof, look no further than marathons in the actual childbirth. (149)
-in addition to the fear of death, many of us fear emotional pain. (150)
-so often we present a happy face on the outside yet nurse difficult feelings privately. (150)
-her understanding of being a good Christian girl about no place in her heart for negative and powerful feelings like fear, resentment, grief, and rage. Negative emotions aren't to be feared that are often a place where you can experience God's light, which always overpowers even the darkest places of the soul. (151)

2) fear of failure
-we live every day to avoid the feeling that we tried, put ourselves out there completely, and didn't cut it. We weren't going enough. We can actually do it. (152)
-determined to avoid failure any cost, some of us make only safe decisions about life. We don't take the leap of faith because we fear the skinned knees of trying and not making it the first time. (152)
-The irony of failure and the panic can bring is this: failure might be gods ultimate expression of himself – his reminder that we are not, in fact, in control of everything. Powerful fears call for a mighty God. They remind us of the penis of our own strength. And it's often in the pain of the skinned knee and the crushed spirit where we experience that God is truly all we need. (153)

3) fear of rejection
We fear uncovering our true selves, allowing others to see who were really are – and then being rejected. (153)
-you and I have an inner yearning for that ultimate expression of belonging. (153)
-if we don't reckon with our pain and invite the only one who will never for sake us into that place, we may keep ourselves covered and never risk letting anyone see the real essence of ourselves again. (153)
-we may choose to expose only certain parts of ourselves that we deem acceptable, parts of us that haven't been rejected.(154)
-We reject parts of ourselves to avoid human rejection so as to avoid our deepest fear of all – the fear of being alone.(154)

4) fear of being alone
-"language… Has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. It has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone."(154)
-unchecked, the fear of being alone causes us to give up portions of ourselves to avoid loneliness at all costs. (155)
-solitude, it turns out, is fertile ground for sowing a deeper, richer relationship with Christ. (155)

All of us deal with fear. Anxiety is often a response to fear, our desire to do something about the fears we have. (155)

Anxiety is an irrational thinking pattern, often based on a rational fear. (156)

This relentless driving to relieve our anxiety forces us to remain focused on ourselves. And here is where fear becomes the problem. We miss opportunities to love, to grow, and to serve. We take the energy and passion God has put in is for change and we turn it into a cycle of self protection. (156-157)

[WATCH VIDEO]

Have you ever struggled with the tyranny of what if? As the what if's of our heart increase in volume and intensity, the pressure in our souls to do something about them also increases. When they go on checked, these internal voices run endlessly through various scenarios, spinning the same thoughts over and over, running like a hamster on a wheel in our mind. Anxiety is like a pressure cooker in our souls. The pressure of the what-ifs builds, and if the fears aren't faced, eventually we are ready to burst. (162)

-Beth Moore- answering the what-ifs, recognized she’d survive.

because anxiety is so prevalent in our culture and so overrated in legitimate fears, we often don't want to face the reality that anxiety is a direct path to sin. (162-163)
So when do are anxious thoughts become sin? When we allow the voice of anxiety to determine our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The object of our fear becomes the idol that we allowed to determine our actions. (163)

'More than 300 biblical passages tell us not to fear, but little relief will come to someone struggling with phobias if he or she is just told not to fear.  That is not  a sufficient answer. Such behavioral and legalistic approaches only create even more confusion and guilt. Although Christ is the answer, and the truth will set us free, the suffering saint needs to know how to connect with God and how the truth sets us free.' (163-164)

Her anxiety was not addressed by paying a counselor but by experiencing the free, invaluable presence of God by spending an hour with him each day. I realize that this is the stock Christian answer. You may be frustrated by the lack of how in this prescription... The more worries a part of your life, the more opportunities you have to spend with God. (164-165)

Freedom from pain: rolling in the deep
Every character, from Adam to Jesus, experienced physical, emotional, or spiritual pain here we find our first truth: suffering is inevitable. (165)

1 cor 15
-pain is still a part of our reality – but it is not the ultimate reality;
-pain will still hurt – but it cannot kill our soul;
-pain will come, and even be allowed by God – but he will always use it for his glory. (166)

God will play the ultimate trick on evil by using what was meant for bad and transforming it into something that leads others to recognize his existence and to worship him.

Freedom from the fear of failure: redefining success
The only thing worse than being rejected was not trying (168)
'I acquitted success with the attempts, not the mastery of the skill.'  (175)

1 Cor 14:1
when you're unsure about why we are making a decision – to keep ourselves safe or because it is a good, prudent choice – we can ask ourselves three questions based on this first:
1) am I making this decision out of love or out of fear?
2) Am I pursuing – and using – the gifts God gave me?
3) Am I proclaiming the truth? Do I know truth from God's word? Do I live by it? (168)

Freedom from the fear of rejection: choosing God's approval
Friend, your job isn't to make everyone like you. It's to glorify God with your life. That requires quieting your spirits that you can hear from God and be obedient when he speaks. (170)

Freedom from the fear of being alone: embracing solitude
'In solitude we discover that are worse is not the same as our usefulness.' (172)

Don't live in fear, live an authentic life. It won't be without pain and suffering, but it will be filled with freedom and joy. Accept your weaknesses and your strengths.

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!

She’s Got Issues- Comparison

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              February 8, 2015

Comparison

[take quiz]

Comparing ourselves to others starts out as a perfectly healthy stage of development… Watching and imitating is the way we figure out how to do things like kick a soccer ball or make a new friend. (114)

Social learning theory: we look to those around us to determine our own way of thinking, feeling, and acting. (114)

Good things can come from observing others, such as aspiring to be like your mentor (114)

Our ultracompetitive society encourages us to form an identity based solely on comparisons to those around us. (114)

Comparison is healthy when it challenges me to become a better person; it's toxic when it tells me who I am as a person. (115)

God doesn't grade on a curve. See Gen 4. (116)

Some places you might be prone to compare yourself with others include:

·     Appearance

·     Relationships (dating, marriage, friendships)

·     Support systems (family, friends, church)

·     Work/career choices

·     Money

·     Spiritual life

·     Intelligence

·     Social aptitude

If you checked items 1, 2, 9, and 10, you are looking at a parade through a peephole- which means seeing tiny glimpses and thinking we understand it all. (117)

Pain does not discriminate. Life happens. Jesus told his disciples "in this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33). (118)

The truth of real, messy life: that although we might look good on the outside, everyone has her own struggles to face. (119)

If you checked items 3, 4, and 5, your comparisons lead to emotional turmoil. (119)

if I let a little comment make me feel good about my life, I also allow negative comments to make me feel crappy about life. We don't preen and glow under compliments and remain unfazed by criticism. (121)

If you checked statement 6, 7, and 8, your comparison revolves around the statement "it's not fair."  (121)

Candy in a bag.

All morality develops from our interest in justice. Deuteronomy 32:4 says that all of God's ways "are just; a God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is he." But as we discussed in the control chapter, God's ways are certainly not like ours. The apostle Paul said, "now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror" (1 Cor 13:12).  (122-123)

Our own distorted perception of ourselves leaves us wondering if God has given us the fun-size candy bar wall and telling others with mega-king-size blessings. I'm beginning to understand that this way of perceiving reality withers my soul.  (123)

Comparisons are what keep me from fully knowing myself and being fully available to know the ones I'm in relationship with.  (123)

[WATCH VIDEO]

"most folks are about as happy as they make their minds to be." -Abraham Lincoln  (127)

Comparisons either make us feel better at the expense of knocking someone else down, or they make us feel worse about ourselves because we think someone else ranks higher than us.

When we decide to compare ourselves to another person to determine our worth or what we're lacking we're taking the role of creator and saying it is not good when God said it was good.

Comparisons turn our focus on ourselves. That self-focused blinds us to the needs of those around us. We become wholly incapable of the radical "love your neighbor" action that Jesus commands.  (129)

How to change your status:

step 1 – find your blind spots

if you keep yourself busy evaluating your life against everyone else's, you can conveniently ignore the real problems of your heart.  (129)

Step 2 – open your heart

remember our Bible study buddy Cain? His blame game helped him ignore his own reality (sin) while resenting another (blame). His actual problem centered on his own inadequacy, disobedience, and stubbornness before God. The prophet Micah talks about what God really wants from us when we bow before him. He says we can bring our offerings, sacrifices and good works, but what God desires is our humble heart (see Micah 6:8). It is when we come to him with hearts that are transparent and humble but he can lift us back up. It is in this exposed and vulnerable place that we are open to God's healing touch.  (132)

Step 3 – ignore everybody

Like runners

Step 4 – direct your sight

Matt 20 parable

You can be perfectly happy until you compare yourself to others… remember our Sunday school candy story? when those kids received their individual gifts, they were ecstatic. When they compared, they grumbled and complained. They were envious and resentful of those around them. They missed the joy of the gift because it was soured by ingratitude. The point of the Sunday school candy exercise was this: keep your eyes on your own bag. God has given us each great gifts, which will become obvious if we are willing to accept them with gratitude. (139)

Places of struggle are opportunities for God to show his transforming power. (139)

When I consider the question," are you envious because I am generous?" I better understand what God is saying to me. My life may not look exactly the way I planned, but I am grateful. God should stay king. He does a much better job of managing my life than I do. Choose to let comparisons go. (139)

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!

She’s Got Issues- Insecurity

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              February 1, 2015

Insecurity

How did we, such powerful, beautiful women, ever become so insecure? (76)

I had a hard time defining and security. It's a cloudy kind of word, with all kinds of associations and feelings hiding in it. It's abstract... They might not be able to find it – you know it when you see it! (76)


"An insecure woman is someone who talks with no opinion. She can expend an enormous amount of energy to avoid uncovering anything about herself. If she does give an opinion, she tends to pull it back or second-guess what she just said. I think she's someone who will sometimes joke about herself in a painfully self-deprecating way. When I'm around a woman like that, I get the feeling that she doesn't know who she is, or she doesn't like what she knows about herself. "(77)

It is almost laughable to ask if you struggle with insecurity because I believe we all do to a certain extent. So I invite you to take this assessment to discover how, why, and where your presents insecurity in your own life. (77)

[take quiz]

Insecure is the catchphrase for just about every issue one can face as a woman… Insecurity is like a mold in my kitchen: it's never welcome but it seems to crop up and all kinds of places. The difference is this: I would never let mold remain on my bread or in my refrigerator, yet so often we women readily accept insecurity like it's a normal part of life. (79-80)

Review your responses to the insecurity assessment. Are you uncomfortable? Do you wish some of them weren't true? Are you frustrated with some of the same issues you've had with appearance or approval since middle school continue to plague you today? Our emotions often to fire our logic! (80)

 We know all the right things, but the reality is, believing these things is much harder than saying them. Hollow platitudes that to nothing except make us feel worst! (80)

Blogger Rachel Held Evans says "my insecurities keep me from participating in meaningful relationships, doing things that are out of my comfort zone, and learning from new perspectives." (80-81)
Without facing our issues head-on, we miss out on some of the richest gift life offers, like growth, love, and adventure. (81)

4 distinct areas of insecurity: appearance, relationships, approval, and achievement

If you answered mostly true to 3,4,5 appearance maybe a place of insecurity for you
-we can't even evaluate ourselves objectively…

If you answered mostly true statements 1, 2, 9, relationships may be a place of insecurity for you.
-I'm all of us there is a part of our hearts that desperately seeks to be understood, supported, and delighted in; a part that wants someone to cheer us when we are discouraged, calm us when we are frustrated, soothe us when we are sad; and this part of our hearts can never be fully satisfied by one flawed human. (83)

If you answer mostly true to 7,8,12, approval may be a place of insecurity for you.
-because we measure our worth by the admiration of the person whose approval we crave, we seek to do more and more of whatever earns their favor. And as we do, we often stray further away from the realness of who we are. (85)

If you answered mostly true to 6,10,11, achievement is a place of insecurity for you.

Insecurity is related to the word snare in scripture… If your foot is caught in a snare, the more you struggle, the tighter the snare becomes… in Psalm 25:15, David writes "my eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare." (87)

Scripture points out that the only way to be truly released is by focusing our attention on God. (87)

Our love of the beautiful, our deep desire for meaningful relationships, our hopes that we will excel in our work, our desire for approval – these are God-created experiences and desires! It's often the priority we give these things in our hearts that leads to our disappointment, disillusionment, and deep insecurity. (87-88)

We do not come by her insecurities easily, and we do not move away from them quickly. The growth required to finally rest in security and peace deep inside ourselves takes work. (88)

What if we begun to think of our insecurities not a shameful places to hide but as opportunities to see God working in our lives? When we begin to understand how her insecurities work in our minds, we begin to see just where we need God's healing touch or transforming confrontation. (90)

Because no matter what your age, no matter how deep those insecurities run, no matter what the circumstances are that created these shaky places – God is able. He is a miracle worker. He specializes in situations that seem bleak, and people the world calls goners, and in cemetery places of the soul. He is a life giver in every sense of the word – and you were never outside of his grasp. Every place of insecurity in your life; every situation where you find yourself paralyzed or shaky, every circumstance or season that makes you wonder if you are good enough: these are the places where God does his best work. (91)

[WATCH VIDEO]

When we run to Christ for security, we find a hope that is a "strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls." Hebrews 6:19 (98)

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of our faith. Hebrews 12:2

Without understanding the benefits of our relationship with Jesus, we are fundamentally and secure. Romans 12:2 says "let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." Every time you feel ashamed, unforgiven, or not worth God's love, repeat a verse you've learned. God's word is a healer, a transformer, and a re-creator of our hearts and minds. We just have to do the work of getting that Word in. (99)

1) Christ offers forgiveness from sin– Isaiah 53:11 – by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities.

2) Christ offers freedom from guilt – Galatians 5:1 – it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
-security in Christ creates the freedom to actually be changed, to be transformed into a woman who acts, feels, and thinks differently because of God in her life. It's futile trying to change people by shaming them… We are only transformed by love (101)

3) Christ offers eternal life – John 17:3 – and this is the way to have eternal life to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one who you sent to earth.

4) Christ offers a continual relationship with God –

5) Christ leaves the gift of the Holy Spirit – Ephesians 1:13 and when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago.

-each of us must find our own way to combat our unique brand of insecurity with the reality of God's promises. (105)

-read the two paragraphs on page 107 about secure women.

She's Got Issues- Control

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              January 25, 2015

Control

Control Issues? Take Quiz

[WATCH VIDEO]

The spectrum of Control or Power

(over our lives and the lives of others)

Control Freak                                                                                                Out of control

-try to manage others                                                                           -don’t even manage themselves

-thing there is ONE right way to do things                                            -don’t take responsibility

                                                                                                           -don’t work towards positive change

Too much control and we coerce and manipulate, thinking this is who we love people.

Too little control and we abdicate our own influence and responsibility to be a loving force in the world

A misuse of misunderstanding of our own control is the issue that drives women crazy.

Origins of Control

1) Our relationship with control is fueled by our beliefs.

Beliefs are our rules for life. They are often unspoken and sometimes unrecognized. They are the fuel that determines our actions and our feelings.

Can you think of any invisible rules that have power over your attitude and emotions?
(her example husband being responsible to clean the garage.)

2) Control is inexplicably tied to our understanding of God’s work in the world.

            -We need to recognize that God is in control.

-Read pg 36-37 about dealing with issues makes you beautiful

3) Control is about our sin nature.

Prov 14:12; Isa 55:8; Ezek 18:25

-we think of sin as bad behavior, but Jesus adds it’s also not doing things we should do

Paradox of control:  the control we exert is often controlling us.

            Ex: woman in book locking doors

            2 Pet 2:19- slave to what controls you

Control is often and umbrella issue, it affects those around you. Loving others is harder when your primary concern is maintaining command over your own circumstances. (40)

“Everyone becomes either beautiful or bitter by the time she’s forty… women either face their stuff or they don’t. Women make choices either to do whatever is necessary to keep as much control as possible, or work hard to understand what is in their control and what must be entrusted to God. (42)

A bitter woman is one who has done whatever is necessary to keep as much control as possible over her life and the lives of those around her – she holds on to issues and spews them out like germs.

A beaten woman is one who hasn’t just exerted enough control, is knocked down by life and doesn’t recover – she’s just surviving, she gives up on her dreams of love, purpose and fulfillment – she is that woman who’s always helpful and nice but never transparent or deep.

A beautiful woman is one who’s gained an understanding of what is in her control and what must be entrusted to God. She forgives, she heals, she radiates an inner beauty, dignity and strength

Your beliefs and experience have given you what psychologist call either an internal or external locus of control. (44)

Internal: you need to maintain control- you are the king

External: you feel controlled by someone or something else- you are a pawn

-If you answered True to 1, 7, 11, you have a pawn type mentality – you might attribute life events to fate.
-You may have suffered childhood trauma, regardless of the severity – like divorce, you felt unsafe or violated or abandoned 
-it could just be her personality then you take life as it comes, are flexible, laid-back – but susceptible to stress and depression.

-If you answered true to 2, 3, 5, you have a king type mentality.
-you think that whatever happens is your own doing, you can control the outcomes of your life, you take responsibility for your actions, have a greater sense of the influence you have – but you also get derailed when things don't go as you planned and respond by trying to exert even more control.

-Nothing seems to bring out the control freakiness in women than a break up or a baby – true to 4, 8, 9, 10

-if you answered yes to 6, you're probably in between – you feel that in some areas you feel very much in control, and in others not so much

Fear and pride are often the deep motivators behind our control issues. (48)

            -pride- I will change what I don’t like

            -fear- I will avoid what I don’t like

Where do you see areas of struggle with control in your own life?

What do we do about it??

Truth #1- We were made to rule (Gen 1:26)

            -Ps 16:5-6- we all have areas of influence/rule (53)

            -Just like Adam and Eve usurped God’s plan we do too when we try to control things without Him

Truth #2- Our influence aligned with God’s influence = unstoppable power (55)

-Eve evaluated a decision apart from the will of God

-Matt 5:3 (MSG) “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God and his rule.:

Copernicus- we are not the center of our universe

Truth #3- Choosing to lay down our control is a lifelong event. (56)

-Read passage on 56-57.

So what is your posture toward God's kingdom in your life? Can you explain his role and his rule? Do you believe that he is both present and active in your life? That even when hardship comes, he can – and will - work all things together for good? (59)

Joseph – Genesis 39:9 – his choices here on this earth directly affect his relationship with God. He understands that when we make choices – good or bad – he ultimately has to answer to God's rule. He attributes both good and bad to God, but with a trusting attitude. (60) when good comes, he believes God has blessed him. When evil comes, he believes God can transform. His perspective is always informed by his belief that God is in control. (62)

Joseph models a surrendered life…

-Surrendering control to God is not something that once you obtain you’re set – it's a lifelong, daily, consistent habit

-A surrendered heart needs constant upkeep because the natural tendency of the heart is to move back toward independence and control.

-Surrendering to God is a posture, a habit and a check-in.

-A surrendered posture means we place ourselves in a particular position or attitude of surrender.

-a habit of surrender means we practice a behavior pattern of surrender so regularly that it becomes almost involuntary

-Job- as he clings to life into his tenacious believe in excepting both good and trouble from God's hand, we discovered the secret to the practice of surrender… Joe continues to come to God honestly. He pours out his heart and his woman, yet he keeps God in his position of authority. (65) (David too)

-a surrender check-in means we take a mental space bar and allow ourselves to examine your motives when our control freakiness sets in

-once we've developed the practice of surrender, then we're in the right position to influence others – not control them

-In private moments of surrender, we become strength and for the public arena of our influence. We earn a right to be heard by others, not because you and I have great advice or because of our intelligence, but because our character is changed by a surrendered spirit (70).

-because of the gentleness and humility that are born out of surrender, others will be drawn to you.(70)

-can you think of a specific time you've surrendered yourself to God?

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!

She's Got Issues- Intro

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”  by Nicole Unice                                             January 11, 2015

Introduction

Is being a Christian supposed to change me?

Coffee demo: adding may change the look or taste, but it’s still the same thing

            -2 Cor 5:17- Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

            -Eph 4:24; Col 3:9-10

What is it that makes us different? We can all probably name people who are not Christians and just as nice (if not nicer) than we are.

“…the disparity between what I said I believed about the Christian life and what I was living became clear to me.” “There was no dramatic issue lurking, I wasn’t hiding a secret life or stormy past. I knew my issues—my ordinary, run-of-the-mill, American woman issues—wouldn’t kill me or land me on Dr. Phil.” (xiii)

“We may say otherwise and we may know better, but we will live out what we truly believe.” –Beth Moore

“I can’t really handle ordinary life with a constant peace or a lasting joy. I do ok loving when it’s easy. I don’t love much when it’s hard.” (1-2)

“same old problems since middle school.”

            -when the Bible study group found out I was going to do this study with you, everyone of them was thrilled and commented on how they wish they had learned this stuff sooner.

-tired of the ordinary-tired of pretending-tired of struggling

-ordinary issues are often overlooked because they are so mundane, yet they become powerful when grouped together and we don’t recognize it.

“Being a Christian isn’t just about going to heaven. It’s about a power that transforms your whole life. Your thoughts. Your behaviors. Your relationships. Your love.” (7)

Read p7 about Peter.

[WATCH INTRO VIDEO]

There are three symptoms in your life that demonstrate you have issues:

1)      Blindness-

-shrugging off reality or justifying our behavior

Mt. 23:24-26- read p9

Do you tend to shrug off your actions, reactions, behavior, tendencies by blaming your circumstances, your personality, pms, other people??

2)      lack of compassion

-compassion means “to suffer with” and if we are suffering with our own stuff, it’s almost impossible to offer ourselves to others.

-The Lord is compassionate!! We need to be as well!

-Jesus’ compassion is followed by action- if we can’t, then we’ve got issues.

3)      convoluted conflict- it’s a part of life, and can be good (Pr 27:17).

But our issues make it difficult- we tend to go to extremes, avoid it or come out swinging

The book boils down all the various issues we may struggle with into 6 major issues:

1)      Control

2)      Insecurity

3)      Comparison

4)      Fear

5)      Anger

6)      Unforgiveness

We all have issues we deal with. Maybe yours is different than mine.

Even if you think you may not deal with one of these issues, pay attention because learning about them will help you be more loving/compassionate to other who do deal with them.

Nicole says she struggles most with control and anger. I’d say my biggest struggle is comparison, but be open-minded. I would have never said I struggle with anger, but was surprised as we did the study how much I actually do. WHICH ONE OF THESE ISSUES DO YOU STRUGGLE WITH THE MOST CONSISTENTLY? CAN YOU SHARE AN EXAMPLE OF WHEN IT APPEARED RECENTLY? HOW HAVE YOU SEEN THESE ISSUES HINDER YOUR RELATIONSHIP(S), EVEN WITH GOD?

What is the point of Christianity? Heaven?

            -wordless book doesn’t stop at yellow, what’s the green represent?

            -read underlines on p22

Before we dig into this study, there are three truths that you need to know.

1)      We are all crazy/messed up.

-be honest with where you need to change.

-look at David (24-25)

2)      You can’t change yourself.

-if you could, you’d already have done so.

-but we  feel like our issues are not important enough to bother God for

-read 25-26 underlined

3)      God can change you.

-maybe not the way you think it should (or in the time you think it should)

-“God can, and will, help you deal with your issues. If you let him.” (27)

-you have to be ready to surrender

It’s hard, but it’s worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!

You shall know the Truth...

I am quite active helping with the youth group at my church. A few weeks ago we did a High School Girls Retreat to talk about purity. I wrote a devotional book for the girls to use and taught two lessons. A few had to leave early, so I turned my Sunday morning talk into a devo to send them. Here it is; I pray it's an encouragement to you. (Oh and I may not have been the best at citing my sources, so if it sounds like I didn't say it, I probably didn't.) Let me know what you think.

What words describe you? 

When I did this I put words like teacher, daughter, and youth leader, but also words like smart, sarcastic, and reliable. Did you use words like "beautiful", "loved", "valuable"?

My guess is you know what the Bible says…You know that God loves you and you are valuable and all that. BUT I also think most of us don't really believe that—our actions don't show it.