She's Got Issues- Unforgiveness

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              March 15, 2015

Anger’s cousin: Unforgiveness

[watch video]

Unforgiveness in our spirit has the potential to do a lifetime of damage but also be the place where we experience the most freedom and greatest testimony of what God is about and what He can do in us.

Unforgiveness, sown by our wounds, sprouts up like an unwelcome guest and chokes our ability to love, to be compassionate, and to experience freedom. 213

If left unchecked, unforgiveness thrives like a fairy-tale bean stalk, exploding in strength, eventually reaching into every emotion, thought, and action. The longer it's allowed to grow, the more strength and work will be required to remove it. Everyone has to pull the weeds of unforgiveness, tending to the daily removal of resentment over slights intentions in order to be free to love. 213-214

The reasons we are called to forgive:

1) we forgive because it's God's way.

Scripture makes it quite clear that we are required to forgive. Although his commands as simple and bold, it isn't always easy. Examining our souls for the weeds of unforgiveness is a lifelong process. 215

2) forgiveness reflect God's character.

Nehemiah 9:17, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Psalm 130:4, Psalm 86:5

3) forgiveness is the turning point in the story of our eternal lives.

When people see us forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it, they can see Christ through us.

I love when science backs up God. The Mayo Clinic released an article citing the results of numerous studies that examine the effects of holding grudges. People who do so have higher heart rates, higher blood pressure, and more tendencies toward depression. God's command to forgive is backed up by God's design for our bodies and souls. Our Creator knew what he was doing when he spoke boldly in his Word about forgiveness! 216

4) forgiveness is a tool of the Gospel.

Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is a continual process. I don't know about you, but I need God to cleanse me of my own sin and shortcomings every day. We should be ready to forgive others just as frequently. 216

we distort God's character for her own purposes. I want God to be merciful toward my sins and just towards others.    217

Matthew 18: Peter asks about forgiveness and Jesus response includes a parable with the king and the two debtors.

The process of forgiveness begins with our own recognition of the unequal footing we have in the presence of God. This unequal standing exists before we even sin! And sin we do, every day, serving our own interests rather than others. We are in deep debt before God. 219

Blinded by his own perverse sense of justice, the forgiven servant give no mercy to his friend. The second servant in the story was also in debt. God doesn't deny the wrongs done to us, but he commands us to view them against the incalculable mercy he has given us in the most important relationship of our lives in all of eternity: our relationship with him. 219,221

He treated the king’s mercy with contempt. Because he demands justice, he received justice. 221

Forgiving others is not possible without deep gratitude for the ways we've been forgiven. 221

Unforgiveness is like weight gain. We pile on resentments and hurt, one on top of another. If we piled on 30 pounds over several years of over eating, most of us wouldn't pray and expect God to miraculously bring us back to normal weight after one jog around the neighborhood! We can pray, though, for the discipline and strength to persevere in making healthy choices. 222

 Read the prayer on p222-223

The gospel is not just words on paper or an intellectual exercise and belief. The gospel should be lived out in our lives. 223

But like healthy living, the doing is much harder than the believing. How do we move from forgiveness is a nice ideal to a daily practice? 223

1) confess your sins with no “buts”.

2) ask God to give you new eyes.

Don't evaluate through your own eyes those who have wronged you. Instead, ask God to give you spiritual eyes so that you can see past their wins and the way they have wanted you and see their brokenness. 224-225

(I cannot emphasize enough that to forgive doesn't mean to forget. You cannot erase the pains of your past because in doing so you would risky racing much of yourself. But you can believe that God can transform you and redeem even the most broken of lives. 225)

3) recognize that forgiveness is an act of will.

You must not wait until you feel like forgiving. Instead, see forgiveness as an act of obedience toward your father God, who so graciously has forgiven you. That may mean asking him to help us extend mercy. 225

When you release others from your grip, he released them into the hands of God. In a great paradox, God is both merciful and just. 225

"When we forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover the prisoner we set free is us." -Lewis b. Smedes

Forgiving ourselves

Sin is sin because it brings relational harm. Every act of disobedience against God's role is inherently an attack against God. 226

His design is an about enslaving us. It's about providing us freedom to love others without harm. Yet we all fail at it. We all have, we all do, we all will. 226-227

Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. There is nothing like the feeling of letting yourself down, of walking through temptation, sin, and consequence from beginning to end. And when you get to that place, even when you've pleaded with God, even when you've confessed your sins to others, you can still feel stuck in the mud of your mistake. 227

If you've ever thought you were too bad for God to forgive, if you've ever felt beyond his loving grass, if you've ever thought your story is too much for him, let me assure you, there is a person in scripture for you. I am overwhelmed that God, in his goodness, chooses to count among the heroes and heroines of faith many broken, wounded, and wound-inflicting people. These are the people he uses to bring his message of forgiveness, power, and love to our world. 227

Ps 51:12 Restore to me again ... and make me willing to obey you.

Ask God to do what you cannot do for yourself.

Forgiving God

We may believe in God, but we don't believe him. But our God is bigger than our hurt. 229

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!