She's Got Issues- Anger

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              March 1, 2015

Anger

These are not the things that get discussed at Mother's Day teas and women's retreat. Bitter, forceful anger? From nice Christian girls? Anger might turn women into wild things. Then again, anger causes some women to turn to all kinds of secretive behaviors to vent their true feelings. Anger has the power to change lives. Many of us know what it's like to be on the receiving end of rage in the form of emotional or physical abuse. Many of us also know what it is to speak and act from a place of anger ourselves. Yet anger can also change lives for the better – if it is harnessed and transforms into a power for good. (180)

I wonder if these women, like me, are recalling the last time they lost their temper. What they said and how they said it. What they squeezed, slapped, or threw in anger. I wonder if some of them are thinking about the space in their souls were unresolved anger lives, how they hide it and suppress it and try to ignore it, all the time wondering how and why they have such strong, seemingly irrational feelings, a force they can't quite reconcile with their concept of what it means to be a sweet Christian woman. (181)

There's another kind of woman altogether. She's the one who claims to never get angry. These women worry me even more. True, they aren't inflicting damage on anyone else with their words or actions. But studies consistently show that women who repress their anger tend to have that poison leak into many areas of physical and mental health. In fact, one definition of depression is "anger turned inward." The truth is that every woman I've ever met has some good reasons to be angry, as well as many completely irrational reasons to be angry. (181-182)

Anger is a God-created emotion! 14 times in the Old Testament, God himself is called angry. (182)

We should not fear the emotion itself, nor should we attempt to live a life devoid of anger. (182)

powerful forceful anger has two benefits:

1- it can serve as a warning light when something is wrong. It is a signal that all is not well and something is going on in our hearts that needs to be examined. 2- anger can be the power that activates us to work for good. Anger's force can provide get–up–and–go we need to stop being apathetic and instead fully engage with life. (182)

[take quiz]

Anger is expressed in three distinct ways, the first two, rage and resentment, are destructive ways to deal with anger. The third, indignation, is a constructive loving expression. (184-185)

If you answered mostly true to statements 1, 5, or 6, you have used rage as an outlet for anger. (185)

Lashing out is a great way to release that powerful emotion – because it works! Like the calm that follows a severe storm, our bodies often return to a peaceful state after we arrived. But, oh, the destruction are rage leaves behind! Not only can we create permanent damage to the object of our anger – whether through violent actions or words – but we also create permanent damage in our own hearts. That's because anger often leads to another powerful emotion – shame. (186)

If you answered mostly true to statements 2,3,7,8,11, you may vent your anger through resentment.

Ball in pool- rage punts ball, resentment tries to hide it under the surface.

It keeps popping back up as sarcasm, grudges, unresolved conflict – so it demands continuous emotional energy causing us to miss out on enjoying life.

Or we choose a passive–aggressive response by not responding as a method of making our point.

Resentment is closely related to the issue of control and often causes us to act out in manipulative ways. Because we haven't learned to deal directly with our anger, this monster begins to control us. (188)

If you answer mostly true two statements 4, 9, 10, you've experienced the power of anger used for good.

Every time Scripture describes Jesus as being angry, it was for a real evil that kept people from experiencing God's kingdom. (189)

Richard P Walters notes "among Christians there is a fear of rage, a surplus of resentment, and a shortage of indignation." (190)

[watch video]

Jerry bridges says: "we need to realize that no one else causes us to be angry." (196)

The way I respond to things is my choice. Including the choice to respond in anger.

Matt 5:3- "blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." commentators point out that the Greek rendering for affairs implies exclusivity meaning "blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs and only theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

When we recognize our own deficits and inability to control our issues, we are able to embrace the true reality of God's grace.

What does it mean to be poor in spirit? It means coming to the end of yourself and realizing that you are lacking – lacking love, lacking patience, lacking the energy to act like you've got it all together. It means recognizing the ugly side of yourself (anger will do that for you). It's here – and only here – that you can experience the true power of Jesus is transforming power in your life. It's here – and only here – that you can embrace the strength of the spirit moving and working within you. (197)

We can try to prevent anger or employed techniques to diffuse anger but the most important thing we can do one anger rises is to ask God to stand there with us. We can actually invite him into that ugliness. (197)

God will provide away out for my anger that doesn't involve screaming or sarcasm. God can replace my anger with love. (198)

When God gets involved in the solution, he always, always, always softens our hearts with love. (198)

But the "poor in spirit" verse isn't a free pass to stop trying or to wash our hands of all responsibility. Rather Scripture tells us that "since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit" (Galatians 5:25). Jesus says the person who "listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock " (Matthew 7:24).

Often you want to justify our bad behavior with the litany of reasons why we lost it. We were tired. We were stressed out. We had a headache. We hadn't yet reconciled after our last argument. We are preoccupied with other emotional stress. In fact, it can be helpful to step back and list what mental, physical, or emotional conditions are likely to predispose us to losing it. (199)

We need to recognize the healthy outlets we have to release our tension and anger, and then we must get honest with ourselves before God about the reasons for our anger. (201)

There are preventative measures we can take to help control our anger – getting enough sleep, eating better, being aware of the time of the month, etc. run, read, rest..

But, reality is that nothing – not rest, not reading, not a girls night out, not anything – can bring peace to my soul like Jesus’ words. (204)

Words are powerful. We can all probably think of hurtful words someone had said to us...

We must take her word seriously. Once they are sent out, they cannot be taken back. (205)

-our talk shouldn't be unwholesome.

-our words should be used to build others up.

-our words should be used according to the receiver's needs.

-we pay attention to our words because they are a thermometer to our hearts. Jesus said “whatever is in your heart determines what you say” (Matthew 12:34). When our hearts are right with God, we naturally reflect that in the way we speak. And when things aren't so good? The words that spill forth from this place are often the first sign of a true heart sickness.

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!