Give her a Kleenex

I hate crying. Like if I made a list of things I hate to do, it would easily be in the top 5. Seriously, I hate it. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable and I want to be strong and capable.

One summer when Jeff was doing an end of the summer testimony night, I wanted to share but was fearful I would start crying. I had this whole plan in my head of what I could say and was rehearsing it so I wouldn’t cry. When I started to talk, I said the first sentence and started crying. It wasn’t just a tear or two streaming down the side of my face, it was an ugly cry… I kinda squeaked through the basic idea of what I wanted to say. Then the next person went. I felt so dumb, I hated it.

A few years later, I was talking to my friend Jess (Scott’s older sister) and she told me one of her favorite memories of me was that night I cried. She said it was so cool to see that someone she looked up to so much was so real.

[Philippians 2:5-8 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.]

This passage is one that causes lots of theological debates. People argue over what it means that Jesus emptied Himself. I think the cool part about this passage though is that Jesus would do something as humbling as becoming a person for us. Jesus was in heaven with God and opted to come to earth as a baby and live life on earth without all the strength and capabilities He had in heaven. He had to endure things that were certainly beneath Him, but He chose to do them for us.

We are to have this same attitude that Christ has. Sometimes obedience to God requires us humbling ourselves as well. Following Christ doesn’t always mean that we get to do these awesome things. Sometimes it means humbling ourselves and cleaning toilets. Or humbling ourselves and sitting with the smelly kid. Or humbling ourselves and crying in front of people.

1. Have you ever had an experience when God was able to use you in this sort of way?

2. He _______________ Himself by becoming _______________ to the point of death.

3. Is there anything you feel God wants you to do but it feels beneath you?

4. Take a minute and journal your thoughts about this passage:

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These are devotionals written for the teens. A handful of us are taking turns writing, so it may seem like sporadic passages. It all flows nicely for the teens in their devo books though.

She had a bad day...

You ever have one of those days where everything seems to go wrong? I remember one day in college my roommate, Amy, came back to the dorm and was super upset about how bad her day had been. She had overslept, so she didn’t have time to properly do her hair. During her Spanish test there was this high pitch noise and no one could figure out where it was coming from until the professor told Amy it was coming from her bag. The batteries were dying on some electronic so it was alerting her to replace them. She burnt her tongue on Easy Mac as she was running out the door to work. Some kids at the daycare puked on her. After work she got in her car, and it smelled of old Easy Mac she left in there at lunchtime. The list could go on.

You’ve had those days, I’ve had those days. I was having a morning like that the other Sunday. It just seemed like none of my preparations were coming together and I was getting flustered (flustered is putting it nicely). As I hurried through the narthex, I realized I had just walked past Caleb and hadn’t even acknowledged him because I was so focused on my own stuff.

[Philippians 2:1-4 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.]

As I was teaching Sunday School that morning, one of the things we discussed was how compassion means “to suffer with” and when we are so focused on all of our own sufferings, we have no time to be compassionate towards others.

Paul talks about this with different words, but the same message. If we are in Christ, we should not be looking at just our own interests but the interests of others as well.

Don’t get tunnel vision and be so focused on all the things going on in your life that you have no time to be there for the people around you.

1. What’s the worst day you’ve ever had?

2. Let each of you look not only to _______________ interests, but also to the interests of _______________.

3. Who is someone in your life that could benefit from you looking out for their interests?

4. Take a minute and journal your thoughts about this passage:

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These are devotionals written for the teens. A handful of us are taking turns writing, so it may seem like sporadic passages. It all flows nicely for the teens in their devo books though.

She's Got Issues- Control

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              January 25, 2015

Control

Control Issues? Take Quiz

[WATCH VIDEO]

The spectrum of Control or Power

(over our lives and the lives of others)

Control Freak                                                                                                Out of control

-try to manage others                                                                           -don’t even manage themselves

-thing there is ONE right way to do things                                            -don’t take responsibility

                                                                                                           -don’t work towards positive change

Too much control and we coerce and manipulate, thinking this is who we love people.

Too little control and we abdicate our own influence and responsibility to be a loving force in the world

A misuse of misunderstanding of our own control is the issue that drives women crazy.

Origins of Control

1) Our relationship with control is fueled by our beliefs.

Beliefs are our rules for life. They are often unspoken and sometimes unrecognized. They are the fuel that determines our actions and our feelings.

Can you think of any invisible rules that have power over your attitude and emotions?
(her example husband being responsible to clean the garage.)

2) Control is inexplicably tied to our understanding of God’s work in the world.

            -We need to recognize that God is in control.

-Read pg 36-37 about dealing with issues makes you beautiful

3) Control is about our sin nature.

Prov 14:12; Isa 55:8; Ezek 18:25

-we think of sin as bad behavior, but Jesus adds it’s also not doing things we should do

Paradox of control:  the control we exert is often controlling us.

            Ex: woman in book locking doors

            2 Pet 2:19- slave to what controls you

Control is often and umbrella issue, it affects those around you. Loving others is harder when your primary concern is maintaining command over your own circumstances. (40)

“Everyone becomes either beautiful or bitter by the time she’s forty… women either face their stuff or they don’t. Women make choices either to do whatever is necessary to keep as much control as possible, or work hard to understand what is in their control and what must be entrusted to God. (42)

A bitter woman is one who has done whatever is necessary to keep as much control as possible over her life and the lives of those around her – she holds on to issues and spews them out like germs.

A beaten woman is one who hasn’t just exerted enough control, is knocked down by life and doesn’t recover – she’s just surviving, she gives up on her dreams of love, purpose and fulfillment – she is that woman who’s always helpful and nice but never transparent or deep.

A beautiful woman is one who’s gained an understanding of what is in her control and what must be entrusted to God. She forgives, she heals, she radiates an inner beauty, dignity and strength

Your beliefs and experience have given you what psychologist call either an internal or external locus of control. (44)

Internal: you need to maintain control- you are the king

External: you feel controlled by someone or something else- you are a pawn

-If you answered True to 1, 7, 11, you have a pawn type mentality – you might attribute life events to fate.
-You may have suffered childhood trauma, regardless of the severity – like divorce, you felt unsafe or violated or abandoned 
-it could just be her personality then you take life as it comes, are flexible, laid-back – but susceptible to stress and depression.

-If you answered true to 2, 3, 5, you have a king type mentality.
-you think that whatever happens is your own doing, you can control the outcomes of your life, you take responsibility for your actions, have a greater sense of the influence you have – but you also get derailed when things don't go as you planned and respond by trying to exert even more control.

-Nothing seems to bring out the control freakiness in women than a break up or a baby – true to 4, 8, 9, 10

-if you answered yes to 6, you're probably in between – you feel that in some areas you feel very much in control, and in others not so much

Fear and pride are often the deep motivators behind our control issues. (48)

            -pride- I will change what I don’t like

            -fear- I will avoid what I don’t like

Where do you see areas of struggle with control in your own life?

What do we do about it??

Truth #1- We were made to rule (Gen 1:26)

            -Ps 16:5-6- we all have areas of influence/rule (53)

            -Just like Adam and Eve usurped God’s plan we do too when we try to control things without Him

Truth #2- Our influence aligned with God’s influence = unstoppable power (55)

-Eve evaluated a decision apart from the will of God

-Matt 5:3 (MSG) “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God and his rule.:

Copernicus- we are not the center of our universe

Truth #3- Choosing to lay down our control is a lifelong event. (56)

-Read passage on 56-57.

So what is your posture toward God's kingdom in your life? Can you explain his role and his rule? Do you believe that he is both present and active in your life? That even when hardship comes, he can – and will - work all things together for good? (59)

Joseph – Genesis 39:9 – his choices here on this earth directly affect his relationship with God. He understands that when we make choices – good or bad – he ultimately has to answer to God's rule. He attributes both good and bad to God, but with a trusting attitude. (60) when good comes, he believes God has blessed him. When evil comes, he believes God can transform. His perspective is always informed by his belief that God is in control. (62)

Joseph models a surrendered life…

-Surrendering control to God is not something that once you obtain you’re set – it's a lifelong, daily, consistent habit

-A surrendered heart needs constant upkeep because the natural tendency of the heart is to move back toward independence and control.

-Surrendering to God is a posture, a habit and a check-in.

-A surrendered posture means we place ourselves in a particular position or attitude of surrender.

-a habit of surrender means we practice a behavior pattern of surrender so regularly that it becomes almost involuntary

-Job- as he clings to life into his tenacious believe in excepting both good and trouble from God's hand, we discovered the secret to the practice of surrender… Joe continues to come to God honestly. He pours out his heart and his woman, yet he keeps God in his position of authority. (65) (David too)

-a surrender check-in means we take a mental space bar and allow ourselves to examine your motives when our control freakiness sets in

-once we've developed the practice of surrender, then we're in the right position to influence others – not control them

-In private moments of surrender, we become strength and for the public arena of our influence. We earn a right to be heard by others, not because you and I have great advice or because of our intelligence, but because our character is changed by a surrendered spirit (70).

-because of the gentleness and humility that are born out of surrender, others will be drawn to you.(70)

-can you think of a specific time you've surrendered yourself to God?

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!

She's Got Issues- Intro

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”  by Nicole Unice                                             January 11, 2015

Introduction

Is being a Christian supposed to change me?

Coffee demo: adding may change the look or taste, but it’s still the same thing

            -2 Cor 5:17- Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

            -Eph 4:24; Col 3:9-10

What is it that makes us different? We can all probably name people who are not Christians and just as nice (if not nicer) than we are.

“…the disparity between what I said I believed about the Christian life and what I was living became clear to me.” “There was no dramatic issue lurking, I wasn’t hiding a secret life or stormy past. I knew my issues—my ordinary, run-of-the-mill, American woman issues—wouldn’t kill me or land me on Dr. Phil.” (xiii)

“We may say otherwise and we may know better, but we will live out what we truly believe.” –Beth Moore

“I can’t really handle ordinary life with a constant peace or a lasting joy. I do ok loving when it’s easy. I don’t love much when it’s hard.” (1-2)

“same old problems since middle school.”

            -when the Bible study group found out I was going to do this study with you, everyone of them was thrilled and commented on how they wish they had learned this stuff sooner.

-tired of the ordinary-tired of pretending-tired of struggling

-ordinary issues are often overlooked because they are so mundane, yet they become powerful when grouped together and we don’t recognize it.

“Being a Christian isn’t just about going to heaven. It’s about a power that transforms your whole life. Your thoughts. Your behaviors. Your relationships. Your love.” (7)

Read p7 about Peter.

[WATCH INTRO VIDEO]

There are three symptoms in your life that demonstrate you have issues:

1)      Blindness-

-shrugging off reality or justifying our behavior

Mt. 23:24-26- read p9

Do you tend to shrug off your actions, reactions, behavior, tendencies by blaming your circumstances, your personality, pms, other people??

2)      lack of compassion

-compassion means “to suffer with” and if we are suffering with our own stuff, it’s almost impossible to offer ourselves to others.

-The Lord is compassionate!! We need to be as well!

-Jesus’ compassion is followed by action- if we can’t, then we’ve got issues.

3)      convoluted conflict- it’s a part of life, and can be good (Pr 27:17).

But our issues make it difficult- we tend to go to extremes, avoid it or come out swinging

The book boils down all the various issues we may struggle with into 6 major issues:

1)      Control

2)      Insecurity

3)      Comparison

4)      Fear

5)      Anger

6)      Unforgiveness

We all have issues we deal with. Maybe yours is different than mine.

Even if you think you may not deal with one of these issues, pay attention because learning about them will help you be more loving/compassionate to other who do deal with them.

Nicole says she struggles most with control and anger. I’d say my biggest struggle is comparison, but be open-minded. I would have never said I struggle with anger, but was surprised as we did the study how much I actually do. WHICH ONE OF THESE ISSUES DO YOU STRUGGLE WITH THE MOST CONSISTENTLY? CAN YOU SHARE AN EXAMPLE OF WHEN IT APPEARED RECENTLY? HOW HAVE YOU SEEN THESE ISSUES HINDER YOUR RELATIONSHIP(S), EVEN WITH GOD?

What is the point of Christianity? Heaven?

            -wordless book doesn’t stop at yellow, what’s the green represent?

            -read underlines on p22

Before we dig into this study, there are three truths that you need to know.

1)      We are all crazy/messed up.

-be honest with where you need to change.

-look at David (24-25)

2)      You can’t change yourself.

-if you could, you’d already have done so.

-but we  feel like our issues are not important enough to bother God for

-read 25-26 underlined

3)      God can change you.

-maybe not the way you think it should (or in the time you think it should)

-“God can, and will, help you deal with your issues. If you let him.” (27)

-you have to be ready to surrender

It’s hard, but it’s worth it.

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!