Believing God's Truth

I don’t know when this thinking started to infiltrate my mind. Probably part of the American Dream we’ve all had instilled in us growing up. But I always did well in school so I could go to a good college. I went to a good college and studied hard, so I could get a good job. I stayed pure, so I could find a good husband. I applied lessons I’ve been taught at church and youth group and read my Bible and prayed, so God would bless/honor me. Sure, I’m not perfect and I’ve sinned. But in the grand scheme of things, I’ve done everything right… yet life hasn’t really turned out how I thought it would. Here I am—30 years old, single, living with my parents, not doing the job I imagined. This is not the life I pictured as a kid/teen/college student.

I can related to Benny and Pandra standing at the busted bridge shouting, “It’s Not Fair, We Did Everything Right… EVERYTHING!!” (For those of you that haven’t had the privilege, this is a scene from the greatest movie ever, White Wolves.) See they came up with a plan (a good plan), but things out of their control stopped it from working.

That’s how I feel about my life sometimes. I think I have a good plan and when it doesn’t work out how I want it to, I question God. Does He really love me? Does He really care about me? Why would He let these things happen to me? Did I do something wrong and He’s punishing me?

​I’d like to be able to say, “here’s one verse that God showed me that has rescued me from this struggle.” But I can’t. As we’ve been learning in Sunday School, dealing with our issues is a process. It’s choosing day after day to believe God’s Word and to trust Him to heal us and change our thinking. We need to get in His Word and study it and know it, so we can combat all the lies satan tries to get us to believe.

​The biggest thing that has helped me is digging deeply into God’s Word. I get excited studying the Scripture and love being able to share it. Many of the truths God has used to encourage me are from doing Beth Moore Bible studies or studying a passage to write a devotional or teach a lesson.

​I am most encouraged by Scripture that speaks about God’s character. I know that God doesn’t change (Heb. 13:8, Mal. 3:6) and so the characteristics spoken abut Him in the Bible are applicable to me. One of my favorite passages is quoted quite a few times through out the Bible, but is originally found in Exodus 34, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished,” I find it so encouraging to know God is compassionate, patient, loving, forgiving. I need Him to be those things for me! 

​I still don’t understand why life hasn’t turned out the way I planned, but I know God is in control and that His way are not my ways (Isa 55:8). I know that I can trust in the Lord with all my heart and don’t need to lean on my own understanding. In all my ways I can acknowledge Him and He will guide my path. I don’t need my own wisdom but need to fear the Lord and depart from evil. And it will be healing to my body and refreshment to my bones if I do (Proverbs 3:5-8).

Man, there is so much more I could say, but lucky for me, I get to teach you and tell you this stuff all the time ;) I want to leave you with a prayer that Beth Moore wrote in her Fruit of the Spirit Bible Study. It is a prayer that I often repeat when I start feeling like it’s not fair that things are turning out differently than I hoped they would… "God, I can't understand why You're doing this. But I know that, unlike me, Your actions cannot be inconsistent with Your heart, and I know Your heart is loving, good, and faithful. Somehow, some way, somewhere all these things are for good. If I could just know You better through this, that is all the good I need. Amen."

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This is the testimony I wrote for a booklet we made for our Senior High Girls Retreat.