She’s Got Issues- Comparison

Sunday School: “She’s Got Issues”    by Nicole Unice                                              February 8, 2015

Comparison

[take quiz]

Comparing ourselves to others starts out as a perfectly healthy stage of development… Watching and imitating is the way we figure out how to do things like kick a soccer ball or make a new friend. (114)

Social learning theory: we look to those around us to determine our own way of thinking, feeling, and acting. (114)

Good things can come from observing others, such as aspiring to be like your mentor (114)

Our ultracompetitive society encourages us to form an identity based solely on comparisons to those around us. (114)

Comparison is healthy when it challenges me to become a better person; it's toxic when it tells me who I am as a person. (115)

God doesn't grade on a curve. See Gen 4. (116)

Some places you might be prone to compare yourself with others include:

·     Appearance

·     Relationships (dating, marriage, friendships)

·     Support systems (family, friends, church)

·     Work/career choices

·     Money

·     Spiritual life

·     Intelligence

·     Social aptitude

If you checked items 1, 2, 9, and 10, you are looking at a parade through a peephole- which means seeing tiny glimpses and thinking we understand it all. (117)

Pain does not discriminate. Life happens. Jesus told his disciples "in this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33). (118)

The truth of real, messy life: that although we might look good on the outside, everyone has her own struggles to face. (119)

If you checked items 3, 4, and 5, your comparisons lead to emotional turmoil. (119)

if I let a little comment make me feel good about my life, I also allow negative comments to make me feel crappy about life. We don't preen and glow under compliments and remain unfazed by criticism. (121)

If you checked statement 6, 7, and 8, your comparison revolves around the statement "it's not fair."  (121)

Candy in a bag.

All morality develops from our interest in justice. Deuteronomy 32:4 says that all of God's ways "are just; a God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is he." But as we discussed in the control chapter, God's ways are certainly not like ours. The apostle Paul said, "now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror" (1 Cor 13:12).  (122-123)

Our own distorted perception of ourselves leaves us wondering if God has given us the fun-size candy bar wall and telling others with mega-king-size blessings. I'm beginning to understand that this way of perceiving reality withers my soul.  (123)

Comparisons are what keep me from fully knowing myself and being fully available to know the ones I'm in relationship with.  (123)

[WATCH VIDEO]

"most folks are about as happy as they make their minds to be." -Abraham Lincoln  (127)

Comparisons either make us feel better at the expense of knocking someone else down, or they make us feel worse about ourselves because we think someone else ranks higher than us.

When we decide to compare ourselves to another person to determine our worth or what we're lacking we're taking the role of creator and saying it is not good when God said it was good.

Comparisons turn our focus on ourselves. That self-focused blinds us to the needs of those around us. We become wholly incapable of the radical "love your neighbor" action that Jesus commands.  (129)

How to change your status:

step 1 – find your blind spots

if you keep yourself busy evaluating your life against everyone else's, you can conveniently ignore the real problems of your heart.  (129)

Step 2 – open your heart

remember our Bible study buddy Cain? His blame game helped him ignore his own reality (sin) while resenting another (blame). His actual problem centered on his own inadequacy, disobedience, and stubbornness before God. The prophet Micah talks about what God really wants from us when we bow before him. He says we can bring our offerings, sacrifices and good works, but what God desires is our humble heart (see Micah 6:8). It is when we come to him with hearts that are transparent and humble but he can lift us back up. It is in this exposed and vulnerable place that we are open to God's healing touch.  (132)

Step 3 – ignore everybody

Like runners

Step 4 – direct your sight

Matt 20 parable

You can be perfectly happy until you compare yourself to others… remember our Sunday school candy story? when those kids received their individual gifts, they were ecstatic. When they compared, they grumbled and complained. They were envious and resentful of those around them. They missed the joy of the gift because it was soured by ingratitude. The point of the Sunday school candy exercise was this: keep your eyes on your own bag. God has given us each great gifts, which will become obvious if we are willing to accept them with gratitude. (139)

Places of struggle are opportunities for God to show his transforming power. (139)

When I consider the question," are you envious because I am generous?" I better understand what God is saying to me. My life may not look exactly the way I planned, but I am grateful. God should stay king. He does a much better job of managing my life than I do. Choose to let comparisons go. (139)

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We are studying the book She's Got Issues by Nicole Unice with the teen girls in Sunday School. These are my notes from the book. Just about none of it is my words-it's almost all quotes and paraphrases. I would recommend you read the book!!